hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
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