Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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