It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
