Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
