we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
