Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
