My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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