i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
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