I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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