this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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