since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
