I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
