i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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