Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
