He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
