I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Randomize
