I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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