11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Randomize
