I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize