Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
