KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
operation have a gay friend backfired
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
