Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
