PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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