I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
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