He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
