three words: i give head
three words: not that well
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
