My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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