i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
