Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
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