please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
