i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
