Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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