What did we do last night that was yellow?
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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