Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
