im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
