I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Randomize
