I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Randomize
