Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
