Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
