I need help removing her.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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