Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
