did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
