She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
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