Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I skipped work to stalk him.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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