Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Randomize
