Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
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