DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
