dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
