Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
