I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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