I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
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