I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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