Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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