How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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