I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
