I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
