dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
