He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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