So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
