put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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