Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
