he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
