Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
i need some magic done to my vagina
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I love you.
Bad choice
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
