My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
