I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
