he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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