My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
she looked like the before picture.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
