Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
You're completely useless in the revolution.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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