I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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