mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
