He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
