I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
