Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize