I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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