i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Randomize
