So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I puked a lego.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
