Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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