He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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