I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
