i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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