just survived the first fart of the relationship.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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