I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
