Screwed.edu
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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