Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
