I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Randomize
