I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
