how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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