remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
