have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
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