It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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